My Hijab, My Hair, and My Teacher’s Scissors

Growing up Muslim, hair was never an issue. It was like we knew everyone has hair and that’s it. Girls had their hijab, never showing their hair and that was very normal to me. My mum used to take care of my hair for me. She loved it. It was long, black, and well taken care of. She used to wash it, dry it, and oil it. Then afterwards she would tell me to put my hijab back on. It was the best part of my body. Like this secret perfection I had that I didn’t share with anyone. I loved that no one could see it. Apart from my family. That made it more special. Until I went to boarding school.

I was just 9 years old. My mother dropped me off at school with everything I needed, which included my hijabs as part of my everyday uniform. I had different ones for different days. At first, it wasn’t an issue. I was just another Muslim girl. It should have hit me quickly, that I was the only Muslim girl wearing one. All the other Muslim girls didn’t cover their hair. But being the only one wasn’t that deep to me. I thought that maybe they didn’t like to wear their hijabs and that was fine.

One Monday morning, just before assembly, the deputy headteacher called me to her office. She said and I quote, “we need you to stop covering your hair. It’s not part of the school uniform. Failure to do so will result to punishment.” Of course, I didn’t think my hijab was an issue, so I removed it for the day. The next day, I just wore it again because it was part of my routine. During my second class of the day, the deputy headteacher called me again. She was annoyed that I didn’t listen to her. I thought I was only going to get a whopping as a form of punishment. But she told me to kneel down. She got scissors out of her desk drawer. And with the scissors she cut my hijab from my head along with some of my hair. She noticed the damage she caused to my hair and in an instant she decided to cut it all off. Why? Because apparently, I had “annoyed” her, and it was “too long anyway.”  This deputy headteacher cared nothing of the fact that it was my hair she was cutting. From my body.

I was a child!!!!

Hidaya in her school uniform with her siblings.

My favorite part, a secret perfection that I did not share with anyone, was destroyed.

I felt like the teacher didn’t give me a chance to explain myself or at least apologize for disobeying her. It was only the second time I was being spoken to about wearing my hijab. She could’ve just removed my hijab and let me be. But the verbal abuse and the cutting of my hair was just too much. With time, I just accepted that I was disobedient and maybe I did deserve that type of punishment. But after years in that school, and more years in a different High school, I realized that the school just didn’t appreciate or respect diversity. That and the fact that the 8-4-4 educational system had a very sad and fucked up way of punishing students.

I never grew my hair back during school because well, it was African hair and it needed to be taken care of so it can grow back nicely. But being in school I had to keep shaving it. It was easier that way.

It wasn’t until after high school, when I decided I wanted to grow my hair back. But this was when I realized it wouldn’t grow back the same. I struggled for some time. But then two years ago, I decided to try locking my hair for fast growth. This helped, by the way. My hair grew faster as locs and I love it the way it is right now.  So, I have decided to stick with dreadlocks from now on. With time I came to love the experience and the process of hair transformation and the current state of my hair. I can’t wait to see where I’ll be ten years from now and how long my hair will be. I’m pretty excited about the whole experience.

I hope my hair story inspires other young Muslim girls who attend those African schools which do not embrace diversity. I just want you to know that it gets better and not everyone will be against our form of worship. The love we show our hair, by caring for it, and by covering it, is an important self-love. Do not let that love be stolen from you.

And to the teachers reading this, I want you to know and recognize that all students cannot be the same. And that the hate teachers decide to show different students, just because you do not like how we express ourselves, always affects our self-esteem and self-confidence.

Hidaya Issa

Hidaya is a young lady from Kenya. She is of Kalenjin descent and still resides in her home country.

I loved how I loved my hair as a child. I did not love how my hijab, my hair, and my being, was mistreated when I started boarding school. But…

I love how I love my hair now.